How many guys have memorized the stats of the favorite teams or athletes? How many guys memorize the chords and lyrics to favorite songs? How many guys study to learn every cheat in a computer game? Then why don’t we study sex? Most people insist that sex is really important to them – yet they never spend any time actually studying and learning about it beyond the tips they can pick up in a 500 word blog!
Sex education simply does not exist in this country. What most of us got in school was really Reproduction Education, or STD Education, or Puberty Education. Certainly no one ever taught us about preparing for sex or how to have sex! No one taught us how to touch ourselves. No one mentioned how to touch each other. No one gave us skills to talk about sex.
Most parents still don’t talk to their kids about sex. Many of my patients report that the only parental advice they ever got was “Don’t get anyone pregnant” and “Don’t get a disease”. No wonder we find sex difficult to talk about – we’ve never had anyone talk about it!
Most guys want to always have better sex. Most guys want to please their partners. But where does someone go for help? The magazine rack is full of advice. The Internet is full of experts. Like everything else in life, some are good, many are awful. Be especially wary of people who want to sell you something. It’s difficult.
Believe it or not there is very little authentic, accurate information for men about how to have sex. Women have had a much better history of sex education. Pioneers like Betty Dodson have been teaching women how to have sex for decades. I think the reason there is no male equivalent is because we assume that just because a guy can ejaculate in a vagina, things are good to go! Nothing could be further from the truth!
I tell guys that in order to learn about sex, you must first throw out everything you already know about sex. So, I’m going to start by asking you to throw out a whole pile of untruths, lies, misinformation, bad thinking, and poor scholarship that you may believe about sex!
I made a series of fifteen of the most egregious lies I could think of which we, as a male population, tend to believe about sex. In order to make room for the new information, we need to toss out some old beliefs. Think of this as a sexual file dump!
After this, we’ll put start to rebuild a totally new way to think about sex which most men find liberating, rewarding, fun, and much easier. Once we learn how to think about sex, then we can get down to details such as specific ideas of touch, play, and erotic interaction.