“Men are way more into dick than women are!” I tell a lot of guys that. Some of them get what I’m saying right away. Others think I’ve just accused them of being gay. Either way, I get their attention.
We men are often clueless about a lot of things – OK, most things. One of the more interesting realizations I’ve come to is that men love penises far more than women do. We men think our penis is the best invention ever. Look at all the cool things it can do! Look at all the cool places we can stick it! Look at all different ways it can feel good! Who could possibly not think our penis was the best toy in the whole world? Women.
Sometimes it seems to me that women put up with our penis because our penis makes us so happy. I had a friend who was looking at some artistic photographs of nudes with his wife. He was shocked to learn that she did not find male genitals beautiful – in fact she told him she thought they reminded her of “turkey giblets”. He couldn’t believe. He figured that men love looking at women’s genitals – surely women must love looking at men’s junk! Maybe…..maybe not.
But when a guy has an erect penis, surely women must love them! After all, she is usually the one who caused that wonderful response! Well…not so fast. I was talking to Betty Dodson, the legendary sex goddess, recently about my work with men with erectile dysfunction and she said “When will men get it through their heads that sex has nothing to do with an erect penis!” I didn’t even know how to respond to her. This was blasphemy! By definition: Sex is an erect penis entering a bodily orifice. Right? Ask a woman. Go ahead! Ask a woman to define sex. Unfortunately for us guys, she might not even mention a penis when it comes to sex.
We men can’t imagine sex without an erection. I’ve found that many women are perfectly happy to have sex without an erection. In fact, when it comes to dealing with a limp penis and sex, it turns out that women are FAR more adventurous sexually than men are.
For example, apparently many women are perfectly happy to perform oral sex on a limp penis. Many men I’ve talked to are reticent to let their partners do this. The level of shame associated with ED is immense and, quite often, men feel this is admitting defeat or settling for something less than sex. The truth is, it can be better than erect sex.
According to some women, oral sex with a flaccid penis is best. They do not gag, it is more gentle, more loving, more intimate and they enjoy the experience much more. Believe it or not, porn is not a documentary and women truly do not want to be gagging and gasping for breath while he pounds their throat.
With a limp penis, she tends to feel in charge and has far more control. She can focus tongue action on the frenulum. If she pushes the penis in and out with her tongue he’s going to experience a whole new amazing sensation. Roll the penis around in the mouth. Avoid the traditional pumping motion and go for a more massaging concept. Sometimes guys can’t let themselves relax and enjoy it to the point of orgasm, but when they do, it is incredibly intense.
Many couples find the experience is often very intimate – far beyond a traditional blow job. This isn’t just for the guy with ED. This is also a great activity for after an orgasm when he’s waiting to rest up and get hard again. Many guys have learned they can be multi-orgasmic this way.
Even though we may find our penis a source of never-ending fascination, remember that women do not always share our enthusiasm. As one woman told me – “I love him. His penis just happens to be part of the package, it’s not the main event!”